I love my daughter more than life its self, but there are days when I want to slam her through the wall. Today was one of those days.
We had a great school day. 6 math lessons and practiced spelling words. All done in 21/2 hours. Great day. Then 7 pm rolls around. I don't know if she is just overly tired or what, but I was waiting for her head to start spinning around.
Kierstynne went upstairs and got her daddy's guitar..which is ok..daddy told her she could play. She plays in the living room for about 20 minutes ( she's pretty good too not having any lessons) then she comes in the kitchen where I am eating dinner and reading a book...Multitasking my way..lol She wants to sit in here with me so that I can watch her play. No problem. I pull out the chair for her so she has enough room and won't bang the guitar off the table. She sits in the chairs, puts the guitar in her lap and proceeds to start huffing and puffing. You would have thought she was the big bad wolf or something. I ask her what her problem is and she looks at me with this look that made my palm itch to smack it off her face. She proceeds to yell at me that it isn't working. That she is angry. I, very calmly, say to her, "Ok. What isn't working?" You could see it in her eyes that she wanted to slam the guitar down and start yelling. I gave the look..you know what I mean..and she thinks better of slamming her daddy's guitar. She starts yelling and fussing so, being the good mom that I am, I, not so calmly this time, tell her she better watch herself because she is about to get in serious trouble. WWWEEELLLLLLL....she looks at me and says, "WHATEVER."
Oh no..she had done it. She turned me into my mother. I looked at her and ask her what she just said. She looked at me, all brave and whatnot, and said, "I said..whatever." Do you have any idea how hard it was for me not to backhand her out of the chair. I think I probably would have if she hadn't still been holding her daddy's guitar. I was losing it. I felt the anger well up.
"Hang on to your sanity", I thought. So, I told her to put the guitar up. She leaned it up against the bookshelf. No, I told her. Put it in the case, go brush your teeth, put your pjs on and go to bed. Well, that was just the icing on the cake. She flipped. She starts crying and stomping around. I sat in the chair thinking to myself, "Do I beat her now or wait until I calm down?" My anger was feeding off of hers. Not a good sign. I gripped the edge of the table, looked at her, and in a very low voice said,"You have a choice, either go do what I asked you to do or I am getting the paddle, pulling your pants down and going to beat your behind." Needless to say, Mommy won this round.
What has gotten into my child? A year ago she was the sweetest, most loving child ever. Now she has been invaded by aliens. Aliens that know exactly how to push my buttons. I don't like this new Kierstynne. I want my sweet little baby girl back. I know she is growing up and those hormones are beginning to kick in, but this is ridiculous. She even told me I was the meanest mommy ever. Yeah ok, she has never watched Mommy Dearest. I know I am not mean, but it hurts when your child looks at you with tears running down her face and tells you how mean you are.
After she got ready for bed, I called her to me. I calmly told her that I loved her very much and that I was sorry she became so angry. I explained to her that even Jesus got angry, but that the Bible says we aren't supposed to sin in our anger. I explained to her that it was her choice to fly off the handle like that not mine. Her actions got her sent to bed early. I prayed with her and hugged her and told her again how much I loved her. This time, she told me she loved me too.
So, as I sit here writing this blog, I feel drained. Knowing that this isn't the last time I will have to deal with alien Kierstynne's anger and attitude, I pray for strength. I pray God will show me the right things to say, the correct way to punish her when she disobeys, and that He will give me the patience to see her through. I love my child so much and only want her to grow up to be a well rounded, good person who loves the Lord with all her heart, soul, mind and strength. I hate it when she has those fits. Will she grow out of them? I surely hope so.