It's so pathetic. I am such a bad blogger. I had great intentions when I started this blog. I was going to write everyday, even if it wasn't anything major. Yeah, that hasn't happened. But, with the Christmas season coming up and Thanksgiving just behind us, I find myself in a funk. This time of year is very hard for me. This year it will be 14 years since Jimmy was killed, and even after all this time, I still get funky. I don't even realize it is creeping up on me until WHAM!! depression starts in, feelings of sadness, worthlessness, small panic attacks. I know that God has healed me of these things back in Augus/September, but they still try and creep in. It doesn't help that I just turned 39 on Sunday. Wow..39. I remember when I thought that was so old. LOL. Now, I think, mmm...not so old. I am still pretty young. I have a lot of life to live yet. Although some mornings I think my body would disagree. It creeks, cracks, moans and groans and that is before I even get out of bed. It takes me about an hour to get the old girl warmed up and primed so that we can move around without creeking, cracking and popping. I remember years back when I could just hop out of bed, throw my clothes on and be out the door. Now, not so much. Wait, who am I kidding...not at all.
I was reading all my friends post this past month about things they were thankful for. It was nice to see that people still remember what the holidays are all about. I just can't believe how commercialized this time of year has gotten. Before Halloween was even over, there were some stores that had Christmas stuff out already. Now, don't get me wrong. I like Christmas. I love to go look at lights, make Christmas cookies, and I even like to listen to Christmas music. But come on, November 1st? I do not want to start celebrating Christmas before I even celebrate Thanksgiving. Let me get my fill of turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, etc before I start thinking about making Christmas cookies, listening to the carols and buying gifts.
I wish I were more like those who start in January buying for the next Christmas. I am a December shopper all the way. Most of the time, I buy about 2 weeks before Christmas. That gives me just enough time to get everything wrapped. This year is going to be a gift card year. It is so much easier. They won't return it, it's the right size and color. :). Although, I did buy Kierstynne two presents when we went on our Ladie's Retreat in November, I usally wait.
I am making a New Year's Resolution this year. I am going to post something everyday on here. Even if it's just a short prayer. Maybe a picture, a thought, something. I want to have a record of my thoughts for a whole year. I want to see how much I grow in the Lord as well as how my life changes over a year. I have a feeling my life as I know it is about to change. We'll see..